So, I need to vent.

Not too long ago, after my mom realized that i thought it was me. my dad explained why he would blackout and get angry and mean (no alchohal involved in blackouts btw). i was b/c he was brutally molested by his brothers friend for years. he blocked it out for 20years+. So at night when hes stressed hes not himself, hes someone else and i have to avoid him so he doesnt do/say anything wrong, bc he only does it with me.  and when hes semi himself, i'm at work or sleeping.

Well my granpa, my moms dad, is dying and so my moms away in colorado for the week, so all my dad does all day is look for a job (he got laid off 7 months ago) and play online war games.  and when hedoes eventually die, we wont be able to go to the funeral :(

and my little beother is autistic and isnt very social so hes always in his own little world... and someties is crushes me that hes like that. when i really need someone to talk to shes in colorado, my one of two friends decided i wasnt "good enough" to be friends with him and the other is moving to missouri in a month(and im still in love w/ him, we dated for 3yrs and was my first love).

I'm alone in a house w/ 3 people.

And when my dad does find a job, it wont be where we live now, theres no high-tech stuff here. theyll move but ill still be here bc of school. theyll leave me.  and im not copmleltly oer bulimia...im so scared i'll end up in the ER again.

I want my dad. I'm so glad the bastard who stole him from me died. I want my dad back, I want my little brother back... and i want my mom. everyone is leaving me...

Bad day... at wayy too much like 1500. school project on anorexia is kind of taking a toll on me...

why cant I see myself the way others do?

b/c if I did maybe I'd actually like the way I look 

:(




........
<3

1 ) Are you currently in a serious relationship?
yes.

2) What was your dream growing up?
Vet, Olympics, Model

3) What talent do you wish you had?
Running

4) If I bought you a drink what would it be?
Diet Mountain Dew

5) Favorite vegetable?
Kail

6) What was the last book you read?
some scifi fantacy bk from my bf

7) What zodiac sign are you?
pisces.

8) Any Tattoos and/or Piercings? Explain where.
Both ears doube pierced

9) Worst Habit?
procrastination

10) If you saw me walking down the street would you offer me a ride?
idk

11) What is your favorite sport?
track XC and soccer

12) Do you have a Negative or Optimistic attitude?
.more like realistic

13) What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me?
find someway to entertain ourselves

14) Worst thing to ever happen to you?
I spent my 16th Birthday in the ER and my BF cheated on me and my best friends backstabbed me

15) Tell me one weird fact about you.
ummm... I have an autistic brother who is 15 and he's awesome

16) Do you have any pets?
Cat- 11yrs old, Dog-5yrs old

17) What if i showed up at your house unexpectedly?
umm... idk

18) What was your first impression of me?
...

19) Do you think clowns are cute or scary?
creepy

20) If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?
I would have a VS Model's body

21) Would you be my crime partner or my conscience?
conscience

22) What color eyes do you have?
middles brown outsides green

23) Ever been arrested?
no

24) Bottle or can soda?
Can

25) If you won $10,000 today, what would you do with it?
put it in the bank, but go shopping first :)

27) What's your favorite place to hang at?
my room or the gym

28) Do you believe in ghosts?
im not sure

29) Favorite thing to do in your spare time?
gym, read, surf the web

30) Do you swear a lot?
Nope

31) Biggest pet peeve?
my door being left open

32) In one word, how would you describe yourself?
complicated

33) Do you believe in/appreciate romance?
yes

35) Do you believe in God?
yes

 umm... I'm new here so I'm not all to clear on how all this works. I'm 17 and 5 foot 7. I'm recovering from bulimia but the longing to be thin just wont go away and makes me feel empty. Doesn't help that I have depression.

My cat is pretty much bulimic too which is just a bit funny. though it may be his age since he is 11 years old.

any comments would be great :)